The Shame of Talking About It with Michelle Valiukenas

Michelle Valiukenas never planned to be quiet about losing her daughter Colette. After a high-risk pregnancy, an unexpected hospitalization, and nine days in the NICU, Michelle didn't just grieve, she built The Colette Louise Tisdahl Foundation to help other families navigate the financial strain of complicated pregnancies, NICU stays, and loss. But the work didn't erase the shame. The shame of not being able to conceive without IVF. The shame of a body that couldn't stay pregnant. The shame of not wanting to be pregnant again, even while desperately wanting a child. The shame that settled in every time someone whispered their own story of loss, as if grief were still a crime to name out loud. In this conversation, Michelle walks through the moments that cracked her open and the language she's learned to use when people don't know what to say. She talks about clearing a room by mentioning her daughter who died, about the relief and the guilt of using a gestational carrier, and about the power of just saying "I don't know what to say" instead of offering a platitude that lands like a slap. This is not a tidy story about transformation. It's about living with grief, sitting in the discomfort, and refusing to make other people more comfortable at your own expense.

Learn more about Michelle's work at https://colettelouise.com/ and follow along at https://www.instagram.com/colettelouisetisdahl

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